Once upon a time...
I read this amazing book called
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
It ended up being my favorite of the Harry Potter books until book 7 came out.
But we're not here to discuss that.
My point is, I fell in love with this character in the book named Cedric Diggory.
Then Voldemort (aka Creepy Asshole) killed him and I cried.
Moving right along...
A not so short time later, the movie
Harry Potter and the Roblet of Fire
hit the big screens.
This guy named Cedric jumped out of a tree, and from that moment through the end of the movie I was drooling and dreading his impending death.
my point being is that from the moment Robert Pattinson appeared onscreen as Cedric Diggory, I found myself swooning immediately, much to the annoyance of my boyfriend.
Then after Moldy Voldy Avada Kedavra'd him, I bawled my eyes out and felt like I was going to be lost without this gorgeous piece of man meat to come along into the next HP movie.
This movie was the start of what would turn out to be a major crush on Robert Pattinson.
Well, all was right with the world again when this happened.
Ummm...more specifically, Robert Pattinson was now playing a hot as shit vampire, and I was stoked!
Don't worry, because by this point my boyfriend and I were no more.
And I loved that everyone shared my thought...
Cedric Diggory became a hot vampire after being killed by an unforgivable curse.
Long story short: I was in love with RPattz before he became known as RPattz.
Now that we're up to speed on my crush, I'd like to discuss a few things.
OK! Magazine, tabloid magazine extraordinaire, has informed us that KStew and RPattz have indeed headed for Splitzville for various reasons, as stated in the magazine itself.
First of all, I don't particularly buy into what OK! Magazine spouts out because I'm convinced they just make up their stories based on "inside sources" that are about as inside as I am.
However, if what they say is true, here are my thoughts.
Kristen Stewart likes to go out. Robert Pattinson likes to stay in and listen to music and order food.
RPattz, I am totally the girl for you because I, too, hate going out for fear that I will be mauled by drunken morons...okay, really, I'm just antisocial. Okay, so maybe I don't get mauled by adoring fans, but there was this time I went out with my friend Andrea (Bad Attitude Sistah Supreme) and I might have been a little drunk and this drunk guy followed us from this one bar to the next. The guy kept biting my neck and I was totally annoyed because it didn't feel good! C'mon! I do get mauled by drunken men who think they can worm their way into my heart by telling me how hot I am.
See? We're both trapped by circumstance...you're really hot and I'm just...good at pretending I have a buttload of self-confidence apparently.
RPattz, you're talking about being ready to get married to KStew, but the girl is only 19. I, on the other hand, am 28 and single for two years now. I may be five years older than you, but that makes me a cougar, and aren't guys supposed to think that's hot? I'm not ready to get married either, but if you wanted to marry me, I'd totally make an exception.
RPattz wants to live in London. KStew wants to live in L.A.
I would love to live in England, Rob!
Just keep that in mind.
I visited recently and fell in love with the country.
I think we could get along famously.
The only earthquake I have ever experienced was an aftershock that reached us all the way from Chicago or something like that, waking me up at 4:00 in the morning because my bed was jerking all around. The only thing is, I was pretty sure that I was so tired I had just imagined the uncomfortable jolting and fell right back to sleep. England appeals to me for various reasons. Mostly, that no mosquitoes, poisonous spiders, venomous snakes, and bad American drivers thing.
Just give it some thought.
I'm the bombdiggety!
You have your adoring female fans, but I know you don't ask to be mauled by crazy women.
And really, it's not like me and KStew are that different.
I have dark brown hair, incredibly pale skin, and I love acting!
Just think about it for awhile. ;)
This video has officially ruined New Moon for me.
Not in a bad way, but I will laugh at highly inappropriate moments and go on about Jean Claude Van Damme while everyone else keeps wondering when Edward is coming back.
Please follow Peter Coffin on Twitter! He's hilarious!
This video is for Julie, who yelled at me after my last blog post included nothing of Jensen Ackles.
Now time for some gratuitous drooling over Castiel.
Wasn't that nice?
I'm a little happier now.
Random James Marsters droolage...
I hope everyone has enjoyed the eye candy for this blog post.
I'm still not up to my usual witty par, but I hope that once I'm finished taking the endless supply of antibiotics, tylenol, claritin, and nasal spray I hope to return in full hilarious form. ;)
And oh yeah...RPattz, call me!
Same goes for you Jensen, Misha, and James!
Over and out...