Kellebelle's New Moon Review
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My Bad Attitude
WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM ALL BOOKS AND BOTH MOVIES!!!
DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT ANY SURPRISES RUINED FOR YOU!!!
I feel the need to discuss aspects of the movie I particularly enjoyed or those that simply stuck out in my mind.
So here goes.
1) Edward Cullen
(wow, like we didn't see that one coming)
Why, hello tall, pale, and handsome!
We've waited many many (and believe me when I say many) days for you!
Of course, I also expected to sit through the movie saying
"Where's Edward? OMG!"
Then there were shirtless werewolves and I got distracted....
the subject of Edward Cullen leads me to this.
2) The Break-Up Scene
(if I've spoiled anything for anyone, deal with it)
Luckily, I got my "boo-hoo's" out of the way the first time I saw this movie.
It was heartbreaking.
I felt Bella's pain because breaking up sucks for everyone.
Basically the whole movie is all about Bella being extremely depressed and becoming an adrenaline junkie just so she can hear Edward's voice, but not receiving any form of psychiatric help for her odd behavior.
However, I'm lead to believe that Edward was even more down in the dumps after leaving Bella for this particular reason.
Aside from the fact that Edward is trying to kill himself so he doesn't have to live in a world without Bella (because he believes her to be dead), Edward wears the same outfit for the entire movie.
That boy was gone for six months and did not change his clothes once!
Talk about lacking motivation!
Hello, Edward, just because you don't have to shower doesn't mean your clothes aren't going to get a bit ripe after awhile! I mean, you were in the jungle at one point!!
3) The Volturi
I attempted to find the Solimena painting of the Volturi shown in the movie, but there were no images of it on google. So I'm using this image to discuss the painting.
I thought this scene was quite comical...I can't really figure out why.
It just made me laugh.
However, as Edward went on to describe the Volturi, and the camera panned in on the painting, the characters started to...move!
I thought this only happened in Harry Potter!!
So I might have geeked out for a second because I thought of Harry Potter, and I may have lost focus for a few seconds. No big deal really.
It was a nice way of explaining the Volturi, and showing a bit of Carlisle's past since that was blatantly left out of the first movie!
4) Charlie Swan
I love Bella's dad!!!
I wish Billy Burke had not been so deadset on having the ugly pornostache for the movie, but he's still hot, and this is probably because he is totally hilarious.
Charlie referring to himself as a "terminal bachelor" and being "a real ladies man" had me rolling through all three viewings (yes three, shut up) of the movie.
That guy has also come close to death by crazy vampires more than once and has no clue.
He doesn't even know this his own daughter's boyfriend is a vampire and that her best friend is a werewolf.
He's a good dad though, and does everything he can to protect Bella.
5) Harry Clearwater
What a great character.
"Don't worry, Bella. Those bears won't get the drop on me."
So I was discussing what happened to Harry with a friend of mine because what happens to him in the book isn't exactly what happens to him in the movie.
His heart attack is a result of his son and daughter turning into werewolves in the book, but in the movie his heart attack is a result of Victoria basically scaring him to death.
She's a scary bitch.
That's a true story.
I do think that what happened in the movie made things more personal when the Cullens and the Quileutes have to go up against Victoria and her army of newborn vampires in Eclipse.
Graham Greene did a great job with the character, and I wish he was going to be in the final two movies.
What a badass!!!
I am so glad the movie added action sequences that were not in the book!
And can we say creepy?
While Bella was busy drowning in the ocean because apparently cliffdiving is the most wonderful idea to see Edward and hear his voice, Victoria is swimming towards her, and she kind of reminded me of a shark.
The red eyes probably had a lot to do with it too.
Hmmm...I don't know.
Anyway, after seeing Rachelle Lefevre's (I don't know how to spell her freakin' last name) performance in the movie, I'm almost sad that she is being replaced.
Bryce Dallas Howard will be playing Victoria in Eclipse. She's a whopping one day older than me and a thousand times more successful.
I haven't seen her play a bad guy yet, so this should be fun to watch.
7) Jacob Black
(holy hell, son!)
I can't decide if I'm Team Jacob or Team Edward now!
Please don't put a shirt on.
And please hurry up and turn 18!!
And after you turn 18, please don't put a shirt on!
The same goes for the rest of your wolf pack!
How many well-toned abs can you fit into one movie?!?!
How much drool can one little keyboard take?!?!
8) Hearing Damage
And no, I'm not talking about the result of way too many teeny boppers screaming during the movie the first time Jacob removed his shirt or when Edward slow-walked from his Volvo at the beginning of the movie.
I'm actually referring to the song Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke played during a very pivotal moment during the movie.
It sort of brought everything together nicely before the big climax of the movie.
I don't have a picture to share with you.
Deal with it.
9) Alice's Vision
This was the most lamespice moment of the movie, as depicted in this lamespice picture of Edward and Bella running through the woods together after she becomes a vampire in the future (aka Breaking Dawn).
I hope I never make you mad!
I'm not particularly fond of your brand of pain!
Delightfully creepy, yet bizarrely charming.
You are huge!
Daniel Cudmore makes 6'1" Robert Pattinson look like a hobbit!
And Felix kicks Edward's ass!
I heart Peter Facinelli!
Carlisle, there is no way you are going to hell!
Okay, I'm gonna wrap this up.
Me and the Julieperk enjoyed watching the movie together twice and laughing at highly inappropriate times (i.e. while Bella was drowning, when Laurent was getting ready to kill Bella, when Jacob jumps through Bella's window) all thanks to Peter Coffin and his fake New Moon trailers/parodies.
New Moon was way better than Twilight.
Eclipse will be here on June 30th!
And I'm still trying not to get too impatient over Harry Potter coming out either.
My friend Tricia posted this video on Facebook, and I stole it (well, not technically since it wasn't hers).
FYI: This might contain spoilers for those of you miscreants who haven't read the books yet!
I'm going to cry like a crazy person when Harry Potter is finished for good.
Well, that's all I have to say for now!
Over and out!